Broken Engagements: Who Keeps the Ring?

When it comes to broken engagements, who keeps the ring? You may find that wherever you turn there is a different answer. Etiquette and tradition dictate one thing, while the law might say something else. Couples are free to make arrangements between themselves, but it becomes a legal matter often enough that many states have laws regarding engagement rings and who can rightfully keep them. If you are unable to come to an agreement with your ex, chances are the matter will be decided by one of several varying state laws.

Conditional gifts

In states such as New York, Minnesota and North Carolina, engagement rings are considered a conditional gift, or a contract to marry. This is also the opinion of etiquette guru Emily Post. The ring must be given back to the person who bought it if the marriage did not take place, regardless of the circumstances.

In California, Texas and Washington State, whoever breaks off the engagement relinquishes ownership of the ring. This aligns with conventional wisdom on the subject, but it can also make matters confusing. In the case of a mutual breakup, the former partners may find themselves in court letting a judge decide who rightfully deserves the ring.

Simple gifts

Kansas and Montana take the position that an engagement ring is a simple gift, and gifts cannot be taken back once they are given. Even in states where engagement rings are normally considered conditional gifts, they can be seen as simple gifts if given on a holiday or birthday. In the case that an engagement ring was presented on Valentine's Day, for example, it would belong entirely to the person it was given to. In an interesting twist, if a woman throws her ring at her fiance in anger following the breakup, it can be considered "returning the gift" and ownership is returned to the person who originally bought it!