Planning an Interfaith Wedding

You can plan an interfaith wedding that is spiritual and inclusive. As if wedding planning weren't hard enough, adding two different religions into the mix can make the occasion more difficult. As society becomes more mobile, the chances that you will marry someone of a different faith increase. Just be prepared to do a little extra work and make a few compromises.

Talk with Your Soon-to-be-Spouse
The first step in planning is to speak with your partner. Find out what your soon-to-be-spouse values, and explain your own beliefs. Discuss what you each like most about wedding ceremonies in your respective religions, as well as what you've liked about an interfaith wedding ceremony that you've attended in the past. This will allow you to find common ground and lay a foundation for compromise and inclusion. One way to plan is for each partner to choose one religious tradition that must be part of the wedding.

Do Research
Do you know someone who has had an interfaith wedding ceremony? If not, it can be helpful to research planning locally and online. While you do not want to copy another's ceremony, a little research can give you some good ideas. And connecting with other interfaith couples can be a great way to learn tips for continuing religious compromise after the wedding is over and the marriage begins. How you treat the planning process for interfaith weddings will be a big indication of how you approach faith issues in your life together.

Try to Involve Both Families
Lovingly explain to both families your desire, as a couple, to have an interfaith wedding ceremony that brings out the best in both religious traditions. It is also possible to find out from each other's families about different traditions. Including family traditions in the ceremony can make it more meaningful to the spectators. Invite input from both families, but make sure that you have established ground rules together and support each other. Marriage is about love, unity, and compromise. Make it clear to both sets of parents that they may have to compromise on what their idea of the perfect wedding is. Your perfect wedding is what you want it to be.

Plan on Neutral Ground
One of the best ways to get around the "In which church should we hold the ceremony?" question is to pick a neutral location. This is especially important if the two religions in question are not both Christian denominations. A park, beach, lake, reception hall or someone's home all make great locations. Many officiants in Muslim, Jewish, Christian, Buddhist, Hindu and other faith traditions are willing to officiate in these locations.

Invite Two Officiants
It is usually possible to find officiants willing to share the duties of the day with an officiant of another religion. Many of these officiants are especially happy when the interfaith wedding ceremony takes place on neutral ground. Talk to your respective religious leaders to find out whether or not they are willing to help with an interfaith wedding ceremony. You should tell your religious leaders what other faith will be included. That makes a difference to some religious leaders. You can contact the American Ethical Union (212-873-6500) for more information if you are having trouble finding interfaith wedding officiants.

Include Explanations
If you decide to include elements of both faith traditions in your wedding, you can explain the significance of what the attendees see in the wedding program. The meanings behind shattering a glass, as in a Jewish wedding, or sharing a drink of sherbet , as in a Muslim wedding, can provide insight into other religions. Explaining faith traditions can also lay a foundation for better understanding between the families later on.

Choose a Secular Ceremony
If a religious ceremony is not important to you and your spouse-to-be, or if the families are having too much trouble with it, some couples decide to forgo religiosity altogether. A civil wedding in a reception hall or outdoor location can be just as beautiful. The bride and groom can write their own secular vows to share if they wish. This can be followed by a reception that includes different traditions.

Remember that it is your wedding. While it would be nice to include family and friends, it may not be possible. The important thing is that you plan a wedding that is meaningful and comfortable for you as a couple.