While the rules of wedding etiquette have changed drastically over the past century, rules are still in place concerning modern-day nuptials. There is probably no more etiquette-laden event in modern society than a wedding. Whether you are a guest at a wedding ceremony or the bride or groom, you should know about certain basic etiquette points before, during and after this momentous occasion.
Before the Wedding
Basic wedding etiquette before the wedding generally centers on invitations, showers and the guest RSVP. Use these tips to make sure you are not breaching any basic wedding etiquette rules.
When it comes to wedding invitations, make sure you mail them at least four weeks in advance. For guests living out of state, send a "save the date" card out as soon as possible. Also, don't include gift information on a wedding invitation. Mentioning wedding registry information on the invitation is considered extremely improper, as is any request for cash. Let guests ask you if you have opened a registry, or mention the information in the bridal shower invitation.
If you are a guest, always respond to an RSVP request, even if you are not attending. It's important for the bride and groom to ensure that there are the right number of seats and enough food at a reception for everyone. Also, guests should never assume they can bring a date unless the words "and guest" are next to your name on the invitation or RSVP card. It's also rude to call the bride or groom to ask if you can bring a date.
At the Ceremony
Basic wedding etiquette at the wedding ceremony centers on creating a respectful and peaceful atmosphere for the exchange of vows and wedding rings to take place. By showing proper respect for the happy couple, it's easy to meet basic wedding etiquette requirements.
Watch what you wear. It's considered bad form for anyone other than the bride to wear white at a wedding ceremony. Inside the chapel or reception center, turn off all pagers, cell phones and other communication devices before entering the venue. Do everything you can to keep a quiet atmosphere so everyone can hear the vows being spoken. Remove yourself if you are coughing, sneezing, talking to your neighbor or handling a crying child.
The parents of the bride should be seated last of all. Once they are seated, the wedding ceremony should begin. If you are a guest arriving late to the ceremony and the procession is already underway, wait until you are sure the bride has gone down the aisle before entering.
At the Reception
The wedding reception is the right time to relax and celebrate the special events that took place earlier. Mind your manners at the reception, and you'll have no trouble following basic wedding etiquette.
Remember that the reception is the happy couple's treat to their guests. Brides and grooms shouldn't make the guests feel as if they are paying for the party by requesting cash gifts, holding a dollar dance or setting up a cash bar. All are considered tacky. Also, never open gifts at the reception. This should be done sometime in the week following the honeymoon and doesn't have to be done in front of anyone, including family members.
Behavior from guests should be appropriate at all times. Just because there is an open bar at a reception doesn't mean you should get drunk. Besides, you'll embarrass yourself on the wedding video. If you belong to the wedding party and are asked to make a toast, keep it clean and appropriate for the audience, and never use crude humor or lewd jokes. Even if the bride and groom find it funny, you don't know how other guests will react. Keep the wedding toast to around two minutes maximum.
After the Wedding
The basic wedding etiquette doesn't end when the bride and groom leave the reception. Follow these tips to ensure that proper wedding etiquette is maintained with grace and style.
Never use preprinted thank-you cards. They should be handwritten and personalized from the bride and groom. Also, don't forget to send out thank-you notes to all the guests. Keep track of who came and what gift they gave, and mention specifics in the thank-you notes. The bride and groom should send out thank-you notes to all of their guests within 30 days of the end of the honeymoon. Never mention to the giver that you plan on returning their gift or that you are unhappy with their gift in any way.If a wedding is cancelled, all gifts should be returned, including any received at a bridal shower. Gifts that have been engraved or personalized are the only exceptions to this rule.
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