Advice for a Bride

Follow this advice for a bride to help your wedding day run smoothly. Planning the event of your dreams can be overwhelming for a bride; that's why the custom of a wedding party was born. By judiciously selecting bridesmaids who will help you and delegating responsibilities effectively, you can lighten your own load while also creating memories that you will carry with you for a lifetime.

Choosing Your Bridesmaids

Your first responsibility will be choosing the wedding party. Selecting the bridesmaids and maid or matron of honor is a task that can be fraught with political overtones. You may want your honor attendant to be your best friend, but your mother may want you to choose your sister, even if you have never been close. Likewise, your family or the groom's family may hope that you'll invite some of his relatives to be in the wedding party. You may have some family obligations to fulfill, but you are also entitled to invite your closest friends.

You also needn't feel obligated to include someone in your wedding party just because you were in theirs. If you feel awkward about not including someone for whom you served as a bridesmaid, consider asking them to do a reading at the ceremony or to serve as the guest book attendant.

Advice for a bride: Make a List, Check It Twice

Even if your bridesmaids all know one another, plan an informal get-together over coffee or brunch to discuss some of the work that needs to be done. Plan on picking up the tab, but, if

your budget is limited, you, your mother or your honor attendant could host the gathering at your home, and you can provide your own snacks.

Go over some of the key dates leading up to the wedding to make sure everyone is available. These include the bridal shower (unless they decide they want to surprise you), a bachelorette party if you plan to have one and the rehearsal.

If you would like to go to bridal shows to get some ideas on vendors, mention those dates as well, and invite your bridesmaids to accompany you. Participation in this event should be optional.

Advice for a Bride: What to Wear

Start thinking early about what the wedding party will wear. Speaking privately to each bridesmaid about what they can afford for the dresses shows consideration for their circumstances. Find a price range that everyone can live with before you start shopping. If you expect all the bridesmaids to wear matching shoes or have shoes of a similar heel height, let them know early.

Realize that you are unlikely to find a dress that everyone will love. To avoid endless debate, you can choose the color, but allow each bridesmaid to select a style that she finds flattering.

Once the dress selection is made, either you or your honor attendant should be the point of contact with the dress shop. Let your bridesmaids know the model number of the dress you choose, and ask them to be professionally measured to ensure the proper fit.

Selecting a Reception Site

You and your fiancé should work together to locate a reception site that will accommodate the number of guests you plan to invite and reflect your tastes. The more lead time you allow, the greater your selection will be, so start looking as early as possible, especially if your wedding is taking place at a popular time of year or over a holiday weekend.

Ask what is included in the cost of the reception site. Some places offer complete packages with a band, DJ, flowers, a cake and dinner. Others simply rent space and expect you to contact vendors on your own, which you can find through a bridal show or recommendations from friends. Work within a budget, and be prepared to compromise. The quickest way to lose cash and offend loved ones is to demand that your every whim be satisfied, no matter what the cost.

When selecting your vendors, sample everything you can before signing a contract. If you are hiring a bakery, try the cake. If you are booking a band, go hear them play, or at least get a copy of the music beforehand. Your wedding day is not the time to find out that the caterer's food is bland or the DJ's between-song patter is cheesy.

You will likely need a vendor for invitations and bridal flowers. Arrange to have the bouquets you and your bridesmaids will carry delivered directly to your home on the day of the wedding. If the florist does not deliver, ask one of your bridesmaids or a family member if they would be willing to pick up the order, and arrange payment in advance. If you are going to have flowers at the ceremony, ask the florist to work with the ceremony site to coordinate delivery.

The Bridal Shower

The key thing to remember about a bridal shower is that planning these events is the sole domain of your bridesmaids and other relatives and friends. Whatever your bridal party comes up with, consider it a gift from the heart, and demonstrate the proper appreciation. Unless you are asked, do not express preferences as to location or budget. Nothing screams "Bridezilla" worse than a bride who insists on running her own shower; remember, your friends and family members are paying for this themselves.

It is likely that some of your shower guests will give you a gift that you don't like or can't identify. Nonetheless, it's your responsibility to accept these small setbacks with equanimity. Now is not the time to ask for a gift receipt. As you open each gift, ask a bridesmaid to record the item and who gave it on a piece of paper that you can use as a reference when completing thank-you notes.

Advice for a Bride: The Wedding Day

The morning of the wedding, it's helpful if you let your bridesmaids know when and where you'd like everyone to meet. If you are all having your hair and makeup done at the same time, make sure everyone has directions to the site where this will occur.

Brides will customarily give their attendants a gift at the rehearsal dinner, which is hosted by the groom's family, to thank them for participating in the wedding. Often it will be jewelry that they can all wear for the ceremony.

The night before the wedding, have everything you'll need where you can find it on the big day. There will never be quite enough time on the wedding day to finish last-minute chores, and it is okay for you to ask your bridesmaids or family members for help with tasks that you can't get to yourself.

Often, clergy or vendors will go to the bride with questions about last-minute details. If you are too nervous or busy to handle them, delegate the answer to a trusted person, such as your parents or honor attendant.

At the Reception

The few heady moments after the wedding are probably the most relaxing you'll have experienced since the shower. As the bride, all eyes will be on you. It's both thoughtful and classy to make a point of greeting each table at your reception and thank your guests for coming to your wedding. If there is dancing, many people will want a chance to take a turn on the floor with the bride. Again, be gracious because it's all part of the wedding-day duties.