Little Things That Are Guaranteed to Make You Blow Your Top
They say to not sweat the small stuff. In a perfect world, that's great advice. But we don't live in a perfect world, and it's really the small, inconsequential things that fill us with unspeakable rage.
Just try to keep your cool when someone cuts you off in traffic, puts an empty carton back in the fridge or gives you one restaurant check for 15 people to figure out. It's way easier said than done.
Texting in the Movie Theater
The old saying is that a picture is worth a thousand words. But one texted word during the movies is worth a thousand punches. For film fans, nothing is more infuriating. Once the lights dim and the movies start, everyone is ready to get lost in the big story.
Shopping Cart Traffic Jams
If people behaved on the road with their cars as they do in supermarkets with their grocery carts, the world would have already devolved into complete anarchy — Mad Max style. Stepping into your neighborhood grocery store is an infuriating descent into lawlessness.
We all know that jerk — the one who says they love the movies but then takes special delight in spoiling them for everyone. We get it, dude. You already bought tickets for the midnight showing of the Star Wars sequel the night it premiers.
People Who Don't Pick Up After Their Dogs
There are no bad dogs, only bad owners. And owners who don't pick up after their pets are a special kind of degenerate. They’re basically leaving a rude insult for anyone else who happens to pass by, or worse, step into something gross.
It’s uncertain exactly how earbuds get as messed up as they do. How does the mere act of carrying earbuds in your pocket or purse tie them into a hopelessly entangled giant knot? On the outside, it feels like pure black magic, perhaps even an attack by demonic forces.
This is a phenomenon specific to modern times. Some people call it "loading fatigue." Others call it "the waiting gloom." Yet one phrase seems to really nail the feeling: "load rage."
Last Cup of Coffee, No New Pot
There's a thin, mocha-colored line preventing office workers from a worldwide cubicle rebellion. And that line is held up by an unending supply of access to coffee. Mess with the coffee part of the equation, buster, and things start to fall apart — fast.
The Baby, the Baby
Babies are cute, sure. But it’s virtually guaranteed that no one on Earth thinks your baby is as cute as you do. Some people will humor you and put on a show about how adorable your little rugrat is. But don't let them fool you.
Poor Hygiene on an Airplane
People are already testy on an airplane. Getting sealed in a metal tube with dozens of strangers while streaking through the sky at neck-breaking speed is not anybody's idea of a good time, no matter how many tiny bottles of vodka they've imbibed.
The Long Coffee Order
Coffee used to be simple. Black, or maybe cream and sugar. That's it. Now, not only are there dozens of possible orders and sizes, but there are also hundreds of types of beans to choose from. This makes it all the more important to have your order memorized when you get to the front of the line.
There's really no excuse for backseat drivers these days. With a GPS connecting to the world's information and bounced off of satellites in outer space, what on Earth can some person in the backseat have to offer in the way of directions?
Hitting the Funny Bone
There's nothing funny about it. It's a cruel trick of human anatomy that a weird notch at the back of your elbow can cause so much debilitating pain. If you get hit hard enough, your whole arm might go numb.
Toilet Seat Arguments
The toilet seat should always stay up. The toilet seat should always stay down. It's a classic battle re-enacted across homes everywhere, with neither side really willing to give up much ground. Is this really a big deal?
Figuring Out a Group Check
One day in the future, we will have developed an AI robot that’ll be deployed to tables trying to figure out a group check. Not only will it have everyone's totals, but it will count out money from each customer's available cash, figure out what amount goes on which card and leave everyone satisfied.
People Stuck on Their Phones
It's awkward to be guilty of doing that one thing in society that we can all agree is awful, yet we do it anyway. Phone addiction is real, and it's ridiculous. Drive by an outdoor cafe any day of the week and watch how many couples are on their smartphones instead of talking to each other.
Breaking a Yolk
A hearty breakfast comes with eggs-pectations. People are very specific about how they want their eggs, including the consistency, shape and level of doneness. The difference between poached and scrambled, for example, is almost as great as the difference between a cat and a dog.
Hammering a Thumb
It's a classic, but it's real. Ideally, no one should be slamming their thumb with the full force of a hammer. That's serious enough to break it, for sure. And furious swearing is mandatory.
Cut Off in Traffic
What is it about getting into a car that completely changes people's personalities? You can be the nicest person in the world, but once you step into that car, it’s anybody's guess what kind of jerk you're going to transform into.
Updates That Break Your Phone
There's no analog comparison to what our phones put us through. At no point in the past did our trusty toolbox sitting in the garage transform itself overnight to a set of completely different tools. That's something we never had to worry about.
Did you hear the latest Taylor Swift song? How about now? No? Don't worry; soon it’ll be everywhere. Because these days, you don't have to look for the latest pop song. It’ll find you.
Too Many Items in the Express Line
The fact that people don't follow the rules in a "15 items or less" line means we’ve basically failed as a society. We’re either unable to count or unwilling to. If we can't get past the number 15 in our heads, how can we ever get to higher concepts like peace or love?
Loudspeaker on a Stranger's Phone
Hey kids! Want to listen to a stranger's random and pointless conversation? No? How about enjoying one of the lovely songs with a heavy bass beat? No to that, too? Guess speaker phones aren't for you. Or most people, really.
No Turn Signals
Is society collectively lazy? Is it too much to ask, while you’re driving a potentially lethal vehicle weighing a ton or more at high speeds, to flick your wrist to indicate to other drivers where you might be going?
Empty Cartons in the Fridge
Putting an empty carton back in the fridge is particularly infuriating because it benefits no one, not even the offender. Sure, the person who did it can avoid actually throwing something in the trash, but the physical act of doing that is about the same as putting something back in the fridge.
There are some skills in life that don't really impact people negatively if you don't have them. No one cares if you never learned how to play the piano — that doesn't really matter to anybody in any meaningful way.
Toilet Paper the Wrong Way
Are there really right ways and wrong ways to put the toilet paper on the toilet paper dispenser? Yes, there most definitely are. It's logic, you see. You want the paper closest to you, so it's easier to reach and easier to roll out the number of squares you're going to tear off.
Bad Directions From GPS
Everyone wants to beat traffic or get to an unfamiliar destination safely, and for that, GPS is the greatest invention ever. Except for when it might inadvertently lead you off a cliff or give you directions to the bottom of a lake.
People Ending Every Sentence Like a Question…?
You know? What we're talking about? Those strange people, mostly from California? Like, they tell you stories and they end every sentence or phrase in an upending, like a question? Like, Amy went? To the store?
A healthy sense of personal space and respect for the space of others around you is essential, especially when you’re living in a big city. When everybody is practically on top of everyone else, a mere 10 inches of personal space can be the difference between breathing easy and a fight.
Rain After Washing Your Car
Ancient tribal societies had certain special rituals to bring on rain, like dances and songs. If done the right way, these would please the gods, and they’d send rain.